


ShittySingles.com

by Powerfulweak



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Accidental First Date, Crack Fic, Kylo and Hux are both just the Worst, Kylux - Freeform, M/M, Trash Ship, awkward first date, minor stormpilot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-16
Updated: 2016-08-16
Packaged: 2018-08-09 04:58:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7787599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Powerfulweak/pseuds/Powerfulweak
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rey can't think of anyone as awful as her bosses' son, Kylo Ren. That is until she hears about Finn's coworker, Hux. Can they bring these two together so they don't inflict their awfulness on anyone else?</p>
            </blockquote>





	ShittySingles.com

**Author's Note:**

  * For [fem_castielnovak](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fem_castielnovak/gifts).



> Based on [this video](https://youtu.be/9LrybUpByxs)
> 
> Unbeta'd and also my first foray into Kylux

As far as Rey knows, Kylo isn't her boss.

Oh, he certainly _thinks_ he's her boss, but Rey has seen the Skywalker Media hierarchy chart, and Ben Solo… er, _Kylo Ren_ is definitely not in her supervision chain.

They don't even work in corresponding departments; Rey is in IT while Kylo has a cushy job in the marketing department. One of the perks of being the son of the CFO and operations manager, she supposes.

Not that Rey doesn't like her _actual_ bosses; quite the opposite.

She greatly admires Leia Organa. Without her networking skills and financial aptitude, the company might have crashed with all the other start-ups when the Dotcom bubble burst in the late 90s. Leia’s business partner and ex-husband, Han, is like a father to Rey and seems even more done with Kylo’s shit than herself .

Rey even likes Leia’s elusive brother, the founder and owner of the company, who seems to be on an extended “sabbatical” but still comes by once in awhile, sitting in his office with his old gray and white mutt, Arturo.

Kylo, though, is pretty much the low point of the job.

“Whatcha doing?” Kylo says mirthlessly as he appears at the doorway of her cubicle.

“Working,” Rey replies, not shifting her gaze from her work. Her skin crawls as he takes an exaggerated, slurping sip from his mug. She glances at him out of her peripheral vision. “Can I… help you?”

“You know,” Kylo begins, “you could use a teacher. I could show you a few tricks to speed up the servers.” Rey’s fingers freeze over the trackpad and her eyes widen comically. Around the office, Kylo is famously not tech-savy. He threw a laptop out of a third floor window last year when he couldn’t map a printer to it.

Rey glances up at him, unsure of what to say, when someone behind Kylo clears his throat.

“Hey, can I get someone to sign this?” Finn, one of the delivery guys from their office supply company, squeezes past Kylo, handing a clipboard to Rey. Kylo glares at him for a moment, but turns and walks off to bother someone else.

Rey glances at the clipboard, which holds a blank receipt form with a smiley face drawn on it and _“Good Morning, Rey of Sunshine”_ drawn on it.

She grins back at him before grabbing a sharpie out of her pen cup and writing beneath it “ _Good Morning to you too, Finnamon Roll.”_

“He’s still bothering you?” Finn asks as he takes the clipboard and slips it under his arm.

“Always,” Rey sighs, rolling her eyes

“You should tell Ms. Organa,” Finn says, his attention momentarily drawn away as their webmaster Poe walks by, shooting him a sly wink as he passes.

“Oh, she knows,” Rey says, rising from her desk and stretching, “and she has addressed it. Makes no difference, though. Kylo does what Kylo wants. And what he wants is to be an unbearable twat.”

“We got one of those at my place too,” Finn chuckles. Rey moves past him and into the lane.

“I’m about to run and grab a cup of coffee. You want to come?”

“I’d love to,” Finn says, shaking his head, “But I’ve got to run.” Rey’s brow creases in disappointment and Finn sighs. “They attached these new boxes to our trucks. If we go even five minutes off schedule, they start docking pay.”

“That’s terrible,” Rey hisses. Finn shrugs sadly.

“Our new accounts manager’s brilliant idea,” Finn says. “I’d like to to know what crawled up his ass and died, but I’m afraid I’d find out what his fetishes are.” Rey snorts loudly and covers her mouth.

“Well, if you’d like,” she says, “I’ll keep an eye out for any openings here. I’d vouch for you.” Finn’s entire face lights up, and that alone makes the offer worthwhile.

“You’d really do that?” he asks.

“Of course,” Rey says. “It would mean working with Kylo-”

“Anything has got to be better than Hux,” Finn interjects. “Or Phasma! Jesus!” He texts her his number and she promises to talk to Mrs. Kanata in Personnel about any openings. Finn smiles at her and offers a lazy salute as he walks down the hall.

“That your boyfriend?” Rey nearly jumps out of her skin at the sound. Kylo stands right behind her, coffee cup still in hand.

“You need to start wearing a bell,” she says, narrowing her eyes at him before turning and walking away. Kylo doesn’t move, just takes a long, pronounced sip of his coffee, loud enough that Rey hears it even when she reaches the elevator bay.

 

* * *

 

As soon as Finn pulls the truck into First Order Paper and Supply, he heads to the routing office to drop off his order receipts with his supervisor.

Phasma barely acknowledges him when he enters, just continuing to slowly eat instant ramen and staring unblinking at her computer screen.

“You’re late,” Hux is waiting by the door as soon as Finn exits her office.

“Sorry,” Finn mutters as he brushes past him. Hux follows behind, matching his strides. “I had to use the bathroom.”

“According to the tracker,” Hux pulls his smartphone from his pocket. “You were at Skywalker Media eight minutes longer than you should’ve been, which means you were late in your deliveries to Coruscant Industries.” He grabs Finn by the shoulder and spins him around to face him, thrusting the phone into his face.

“If you are late on your deliveries, that affects my clients and my accounts, and therefore my bottom line.” Hux is practically nose to nose with Finn, but after ten months of the same bullshit, Hux’s little tantrums don’t phase him anymore.

“Look, I don’t know what to tell you, man,” Finn says, taking a step back.  “When you gotta go, you gotta go.”

“Hold it,” Hux hisses.

“It was eight minutes,” Finn sighs. “And unless you wanted to clean piss out of the driver’s seat of the truck, I’ll use the bathroom when I choose.” Hux glares at him but slips his phone into the inner pocket of his jacket.

“Do it on your own time,” he mutters, turning on his heel and walking away.

 

* * *

 

“What an asshole,” Rey says, trying to keep in step with Finn as he makes his deliveries. He’d texted her on his way to her building and she’d met him at the back door, coffee in hand. They couldn’t chat idly, but at least she could join him on his deliveries through the building.

“And it’s every day with that guy,’ Finn says, lowering the hand truck down in front of one of the supply closets. “Last week, he lectured all of the warehouse team about not taking curves too fast in the truck because it might ‘damage the goods.’ Everyday it’s a new issue or stressor.”

“Maybe he needs a girlfriend?” Rey offers.

“You volunteering?” Finn asks wryly. Her eyes widen and she shakes her head.

“God, no!” she mutters as she takes another sip of her coffee.

“I don’t really think he’s into girls, anyway,” Finn offers. “I heard him one time complaining about this terrible date he went on with a guy.”

“From what  you’ve told me, I can’t imagine anyone wanting to be in the same room with him.” Rey says.

“So, no sex for Hux means no relief for me,” Finn replies. “Pity.”

“Well, this should cheer you up.” Rey pulls out a folder from under her arm. “Fresh off of Maz’s desk.” Finn stops in his tracks, taking the folder from her and opening it.

“A position?”

“In media sales,” Rey says. “Entry level, but the pay is good.”

“I don’t know anything about sales.” Finn glances up at her and she shrugs.

“No one does,” she says, “But they teach you everything. Honestly, you’re a nice and honest guy. You’ll be great at this.” Finn grins; he doesn’t know what to say.

“Thanks, Rey,” he mumbles, setting the folder on top of the rest of his deliveries. “I’ll get my resume ready tonight.”

“I’m sure you’ll get it,” Rey says “You just… Uh Oh.” Finn turns his head to see where she is looking. A lanky black figure stomps down the hall, hands balled in fists at his side.

“Hey, you there,” Kylo calls out. “We’re out of toner in Marketing.” It takes a second for Finn to realize he’s talking to him.

“Uh… well, ok,” he says. “If you go on our website, you can place an-”

“I need it now,” Kylo stresses. “We have 300 booklets to make for a presentation tomorrow and we’re dead in the water.”

“Kylo, this is not-”

“Quiet!” He hisses, snapping his hand closed in front of her face to quiet her. Rey blinks rapidly, looking ready to punch the man in the face.

“I need toner,” He repeats. “Don’t you have any in there?” He glances down at the stack of boxes.

“I only have what was previously ordered,” Finn tries to explains.

“Well, then get it out of the truck,” Kylo groans, getting increasingly fed up with Finn’s answers.

“There is no toner in the truck,” Finna tries to explain. He packed the boxes himself and has an eidetic memory for his inventory. Kylo’s face pinches in anger.

“What kind of supply company doesn’t have toner on hand?” he shouts, waving his arms in the air wildly.

“Look, just go on the website, place an order, I can be back out here tomorrow by-”

“We need those books done today!” he yells, “What the fuck am I supposed to do? Huh?” Finn holds up a hand defensively.

“Sir, you can call the company,” Finn says. “Maybe they can get another driver out her by the end of the day.”

“What’s your name?” Kylo growls. “I’m going to call your supervisor.” Kylo doesn’t even give Finn a chance to answer before he’s retreating back down the hall.

“Sure you still want to work here?” Rey asks as an aside.

Finn snorts. “Nothing can be worse than Hux,” he says.

“Maybe we should set them up on a date,” Rey offers.

“Maybe we should,” Finn says, his expression brightening. Rey glances at him, concerned.

“I wasn’t being serious.”

“Why not?” he replies. “Why not set them up?”

“Because Kylo is the human equivalent of a period cramp,” Rey says. “He’s terrible.”

“So is Hux,” Finn says. “Why not throw them together and let them be horrible to each other? Maybe then all that terrible attitude will be directed off of us.” Rey still looks doubtful, but not against it.

“So are we like a dating service for assholes now?” she asks. “ShittySingles.com?” Finn laughs.

“Sure, take all the assholes out of the dating pool,” he says. “Only the worst for _the worst_.”

“Ok, fine, I’ll go along with it,” Rey says as they continue down the hall to finish his deliveries. “But how are we going to get them together? I don’t think either one will agree to a blind date.”

“I’ll come up with something,” Finn assures. “Can you get me one of Kylo’s business cards?”

 

* * *

 

Finn knocks on Hux’s door.

“Come in.” He turns the knob and pushes within. Where Phasma’s office is ordered chaos with stacks of requisition forms and receipts, Hux’s space is painfully sterile. The man sits upright at his desk tapping away on his laptop, the only thing on his desk.

“What is it, Finn?” He glances up briefly.

“Uh…One of the employees at Skywalker media stopped me while I was making my deliveries-”

“I’ll make sure to mark that on your report,” Hux says flatly.

“It took up no time,” Finn says, “But he wanted to speak to the company account representative.” He places the card on the desk. Hux stops typing and stairs down at this. “He had some questions about setting up a blanket purchase agreement… or something.” Finn tries to amp up the waver in his voice. He knows the key to this is playing on Hux’s ego and need for control.

“Kylo Ren… VP of Marketing…” Hux reads. “Usually I speak to Mr. Solo.”

Finn gives an exaggerated shrug. “I don’t know,” he says. “I just wanted to pass that on to you. They must be one of our biggest clients. I am there every week for deliveries.” Hux’s brow draws together and he looks at Finn one more time.

“Thank you,” he says finally. Finn offers a tight smile and turns to leave. One step down, only a few more to go.

 

* * *

 

It took only a few days to set up the meeting between the two men. Rey was able to hack into Kylo’s email, intercepting the messages and sending new one’s out, orchestrating the day and time for the date… er, business meeting.

Finn crouches down behind a menu, watching from across the restaurant where Hux sits, looking as tightly wound as usual and sipping club soda. They’d necessitated on both of their parts that the meeting needed to be after working hours and Rey had discovered a restuarant that was professional enough to pass off as a work dinner, but also intimate enough to maybe stir something between the two men.

“Sorry, I’m late,” Rey whispers, crawling into the booth, across from Finn. “Any sign of Kylo yet?”

“Nope,” Finn says, taking a sip of his water. He passes a menu to Rey, who opens it and copies his position. They sit there for several minutes, eyes locked on the table.

Rey pulls out her phone, checking the time. “Where the hell is he?” she mutters. “If he stands Hux up, that is an asshole move unlike any other.”

“Wouldn’t surprise me, though,” Finn replies. “Did we give him the correct… Hey, wait, hold on… Is that him?” A lanky man dressed in all black with a nearly-floor length coat sweeps into the restaurant.

“Hey, are you Hux?” he asks. Hux glares at him for a moment before offering a terse nod. “Kylo Ren, Skywalker Media.”

“Nice to meet you, Mr. Ren.” Hux offers his hand to shake, but Kylo ignores him, pulling out his chair and slumping down into it.

Hux clears his throat. “So, Mr. Ren, I was told you are interested in account-”

“Yeah, can we get a drink before we start this?” Kylo huffs, picking up the drink menu and giving it a cursory glance. “It’s been a lot day and I need something.” He glances at Hux. “What do you think? Two bourbons?” Hux shifts in his seat uncomfortably and levels a cool stare at Kylo.

“I don’t partake,” he mumbles. Kylo makes an incredulous noise with his mouth and rolls his eyes.

“You’re actually going to make me drink alone?” he scoffs. Hux barely moves, but it’s clear from the way he stiffens that the statement ruffled his feathers. Kylo lifts his hand, snapping his finger rapidly.

“Waiter, waiter!” he shouts over the quiet room. “Two bourbons. The good stuff. If you water it down, _I’ll know_.”

Rey glances at Finn out of the corner of her eye and raises a doubtful eyebrow.

“Christ,” Finn breathes out heavily.

 

* * *

 

Rey returns from the bathroom, retaking her seat in the booth.

“What did I miss?” she asks, grabbing a breadstick from the basket.

“They’ve almost finished their salads. I can’t really tell if they are talking business or not,” Finn says. “Kylo has taken another dollar off the ‘tip pile.’” Earlier, Kylo had set out a stack of bills, instructing the waiter that this was his tip and every time he messed up, he would remove a dollar from the stack.

Rey makes an exasperated noise. “God, what did he say it was now?”

“Apparently, this time, there were too _few_ ice cubes in the glass,” Finn mutters. “And Hux just asked if he could have his fettuccine well done.”

“What does that even mean?” Rey asks.

“I have no clue,” Finn sighs. “Honestly, I’m not sure how successful this whole thing is. I thought they might find common ground in their general crappy attitudes, but I guess not.”

Rey hums. “Shame.” she says, chewing thoughtfully on her breadstick. “Want to get out of here? It’s karaoke night at Jakku’s.” She flashes him a cheeky grin. “I think Poe might be there.” Finn chuckles softly, his cheeks warming in embarrassment.

“After last week, I’m not going back to Jakku’s,” he says. “I can’t believe I actually sang ‘Wildest Dreams.’”

“To be honest I think Poe kind of liked it,” Rey offers. “In fact, if you asked-” She’s cut off my Finn grabbing at her hand.

“Hold on, hold on, hold on,” he mumbles. “Hux just ordered another drink.” Rey looks toward the table, blinking in surprise.

“Really?” she asks. Finn hunkers down deeper in the booth to stay out of sight.

“Let’s just see how... this plays out.” he says.

 

* * *

 

Two hours later, they are still watching.

“They are certainly… more animated than they were earlier,” Rey mumbles, noticing the way Kylo gestures with his rocks glass, sloshing expensive bourbon onto the white table cloth.

“I think Hux is drunk.” Finn says.

“How can you tell?”

“He’s smirking,” Finn nods his head toward the other table. “I swear, I thought his face was permanently set on ‘glower.’” Rey gives a quiet snort, her eyes not leaving the couple.

“Well, at least they are getting along, maybe there’s something to this-” She’s cut off by a loud obnoxious laugh.

“ _Are you fucking kidding me?!_ ” Hux sputters loudly, instantly grabbing the attention of every other diner. “That is the most ridiculous load of horse shit-”

“It it 100% legitimate,” Kylo huffs, angrily jumping to his feet. “You have no right to say-”

“Psychics? Mediums? _Fucking crystals_ ?” Hux’s derisive tone has even Rey shrinking back. “And what the Hell is _Reeki_?”

“It’s _Reiki_ ,” Kylo Hisses, “and it is a viable form of therapy. By the way, where do you get off being such a judgemental prick about this? Have you studied mysticism and theology? Well, I have, and I have more than just an associates degree from some third rate community college.”

Hux sneers. “You spoiled little shit,” he mutters. “I should’ve expected as much from Solo’s backwater spawn.”

Kylo’s eyes widen in shock and disgust. “ _You do not say that name around!_ ”

A wicked grin crosses Hux’s face. “What are you going to do about it, _Ben Solo_?” Both men glare at each other for a long moment, the entire dining area trying to avert their eyes awkwardly.

All at once, Hux and Kylo launch towards each other, their mouths locking together. Finn and Rey startle at the sudden movement, their jaws dropping open as Kylo kisses Hux viciously.

Plates and silverware crash to the floor as Hux pushes him against the table. Kylo’s hands gripping the long, red strands of Hux’s hair.

Rey blinks several times in surprise and looks at Finn. “Oh my God,” she whispers.

“Holy shit,” Finn says under his breath. Across the room, hapless staff members meet each other’s eye, wondering if they should say or do something. A manager steps forward

“Gentleman, I have to ask that you separate.” Neither man pays any mind to the interruption, more focused hands exploring the other’s body. Rey feels a hand on her wrist and turns to see Finn pulling her from the booth.

“We should probably go,” he says as Rey gets to her feet. “Before the see us.”

“We haven’t even paid.” She gestures to the empty appetizer plates and breadbasket. Finn pulls out his wallet and throws a couple twenties on the table.

“Let’s go!” He says and pulls her toward the exit and out of the restaurant. As the bolt out the door, Rey hears the manager threatening to call the police if they don’t stop.

 

* * *

 

“So what did Hux say when you told him you were quitting?” Rey asks as she pours herself a cup from the break room coffee maker. Finn takes a sip of his soda and shakes his head.

“Didn’t bother to tell him,” he says. “He was too busy locked himself in his office and sending dick pics to Kylo.” Rey gives an exasperated laugh.

“Oh my God, and Kylo keeps trying to show people, too!” she says. “I’m like ‘No one wants to see your boyfriend’s ginger dick.’”

“Truth,” Finn says, tapping his soda can against her coffee cup in a toast.

“So…” Rey begins after a moment. “How’s your first week going.” Finn shrugs.

“It’s a lot to take in, but it seems pretty straightforward,” he says. “Mr. Solo knows his shit, huh?”

“You just wait until you have to work with Leia. She’s amazing,” Rey replies. Finn rises from the table.

“On that note, I need to get back to work.” Finn drops his soda can in the trash.

“Want to go and grab lunch later?” Rey asks as she stands up. Finn looks away shyly, and rubs the back of his neck.

“Actually, Poe and I are going out for lunch,” he says, then quickly adds. “But you’re invited as well.” Rey smiles and waves a dismissive hand.

“No, no, go enjoy your lunch date,” she says.

“It’s not a date,” Finn calls back, walking out of the break room. Rey shakes her head warmly.

“Bullshit, it’s not.” she murmurs, heading back to her own desk.

 


End file.
